Cognition of God

Maria Shtil

Contents

                              •  THE SEARCH FOR FREEDOM   
                              •  DON JUAN   
                              •  ACQUAINTANCE WITH BOOKS  BY VLADIMIR ANTONOV   
                              • 
THE INITIAL STAGE 
                              •  MEETING
                              •  WE WERE RELEASED FOR INDEPENDENT WORK   
                              •  FIRST CLASSES
                              •  THE FIRST TRIP ON THE PLACE OF POWER
                              •  SATTVA
                              •  CONSTANTLY FEEL GOD!
                              •  TEST FROM HUANG DI
                              •  LOVE FOR NATURE
                             
•  ABOUT MEDITATIVE WORK 

                              •  ABOUT NAGUALS
                              •  “ROOT IN ME!”
                              •  CONCLUSION


The Search for Freedom

        I was always wondering: what exists out there — on the other side of the usual material world.
        … There is a short, but very interesting duration of time at sunset when the Sun is about to disappear behind the horizon, leaving the last rays of light on the Earth’s surface. These rays are so powerful, that, it seems, everything would then dissolve in the gold of sunset, melt in it… Every time, when I was watching this scene, I was waiting for the door to another world — the world of Limitless Freedom — to be opened in this golden glow — and I would be able to slip into it…
        But the Sun was disappearing behind the horizon, the world was returning to its former density, and my dreams were remaining dreams… The door to other worlds was not opening, because I searched for it not in the right place: I searched for it outside, but it opens… inside each of us.
        I had always believed in a Higher Power, the Supreme Mind. I was realizing that there are no coincidences and was trying to see the logical chain of cause and effect — both, in personal life and in the fate of others. But I could not name this Great Leading our destinies Power — as God, because at that time I associated the word God only with Orthodoxy, which I did not accept. I was feeling that Orthodoxy did not open the door to Freedom, but, on the contrary, limited it. Orthodoxy pictures God as a terrible and severe judge, Who watches over the execution of some absurd, inexplicable and useless rules. I could not accept such an “Orthodox God”.
        But, as it turns out, God does not care how we call Him. Because He has — thousands of names! He uses thousands of languages and thousands of opportunities to pave the path for Himself to the heart of any human. God is not — a terrible Judge! He is — the Loving and Wise Teacher.
        And He then as if offered to me the following solution: “You cannot pronounce the word God? No problem! Here is a book where I am called by the names Power, Spirit, Eagle… Choose any of them!…”
        It was Carlos Castaneda’s book “The Teachings of Don Juan” [26].
        And, of course, when this book first had come into my hands — I perceived it as “a gift of fate”. It was a book I had waited for all my life: a book about Freedom — the same one which I dreamed about, in what I believed…
        For several years, during my reading and rereadings of all the books of Carlos Castaneda, I was radiating with happiness, understanding that I had finally found the meaning of my life: “I want to dedicate it to the attainment of that Freedom, which was achieved by Don Juan and the spiritual warriors of His party!”
        Common sense as if said that it is — impossible. After all, I am not going to Mexico! And even if I went there — I would never find those people!
        But, despite the arguments from the mind, I had formed a steadfast intention: to join the party of Nagual…
        I was assuming that the path of discipleship, which Castaneda was following, — is the only possible one and expected that I would have to master it in the same way; in all its details and in the same sequence…
        However, I was frightened by the fact that all, without exception, spiritual warriors have to take part in battle against “the ally” at some point of their discipleship, — a fight, the result of which a warrior could either win or die from fear... I was feeling spooked due to such thoughts because I perceived almost literally everything that was written…
        But I was not going to retreat! And, despite the fact that I did not know how to fight, I “summoned up courage” and said to myself: “Okay, if I cannot avoid this — I will meet with that ally and beat it!”
        Now it is amusing to me to recall this, but at that moment… everything was so serious!
        Castaneda, in describing his mystical experience, said that Don Juan once said to him to catch two lizards, and then the eyes of one and the mouth of another one ought to be sewed up (the rest of the details of this nightmare I do not remember). It was the only test from which I refused in discipleship from what I expected in my future: “To die of fear by myself — it is fair enough, but to cause suffering to lizards — no way!”
        And, of course, every night, I was trying unsuccessfully to find my own hands in “a dream”, make “recapitulation” of former life, stop “the internal dialogue” while I was walking the streets like a sleepwalker…
        It is not difficult to guess that this was not giving any positive results.

Don Juan

        I did not understand even half of the written material by Castaneda, but I saw the Great and Wonderful Power, That was behind every line of those books. I fell in love with It!
        And, perhaps, Don Juan heard my despairing cry: “Take me with You! Take me into Your world!” Only now I realize that it was He Who was engaged in my upbringing at that time and began to guide me, prepare me for the meeting with the real spiritual work — because such as I was, I was not suitable for spiritual work. I was an ecstatic…, but a lazy dreamer… But only a spiritual warrior can survive on this difficult Path.
        By means of various sorts of cunning ways, Don Juan began forcing me to start changing myself — step by step.
        For example, I was making a list of rules that had to be strictly followed every day. I was never breaking these rules! It was something like a vow taken by me in the face of Power.
        Of course, in the beginning, my relationships with Power were very similar to trade deals: “you give me — I give you”. In order for me “to sign in blood” under every new rule, Don Juan had to scare me with something or promise me something…
        In general, He was raising me using the method of “a carrot and stick” — as there was no other way to make such a lazy being as I was — to commit to initial efforts in self-perfection.
        Only now I realize how great God’s willingness is to lend “a helping hand” to anyone in whom there is the desire to stand on “the path of the heart”, who understands the necessity to change themselves! In order to help us in this, — He uses every opportunity and any way.
        Two-thirds of my “rules” were composed of various nonsense, but nevertheless, these rules have taught me discipline and implementation of my decisions, at any cost.
        Terrible laziness was one of my major drawbacks. I was even proud that I was “an owl”: “Well, I thought! I am — an artist-designer, I revolve around esthetes and intellectuals! And I have every right to follow a sort of lazy-bohemian way of life!”
        One of “the medicines” for this “disease” which was prescribed to me by Don Juan, was that I had to jump out of bed on the first wake-up call of the alarm clock, rush to the bathroom and pour a bucket of cold water on myself. At first I was waking up each time with a cry: “How could I agree with this — to do such painful things to myself?!”
        But, fortunately, I had no choice already.
        Another of His rules for me was the complete exclusion of alcohol from the nutrition (even alcohol-filled chocolate sweets!). Such a strict measure seemed strange to me at that time: 2-3 glasses of wine in the company of guests could not be described as alcohol dependence.
        When I had written this rule on my list, I found out with horror that the New Year would be in a week!
        I was lamenting: “O God!… What have I done?… How will I meet the New Year without champagne?”
        But no big deal… I have met it — with a glass of yogurt. And I swear, it was amazingly delicious!
        Another important point was elimination of irritability. There were a few people in my environment who could easily “make me hopping mad”. The rule was to remain in complete peace, not to react to nonsense and bothersomeness… I had to learn self-control!
        The practice bore its fruit surprisingly quick. I was shocked by the results! As soon as I had learned to control myself — attempts of harassment stopped! This became disinteresting for them!
        Through this way, I succeeded also in pacifying my “sense of self-importance”.
        I began to look at all events in my life as lessons that Power was presenting me with, — these were lessons in ethics, love and compassion.
        … So passed a few years. Of course, I did not become a spiritual warrior during that time. I continued to be an ordinary human, a prisoner of the conventionalities and stereotypes of behavior.
        Nevertheless, Don Juan “stirred me up” at that time, “pushed me apart”, taught me “to step over myself”, and because of this, when the time had come for me to throw off part of “the human form”, — I could do it.

Acquaintance with books
by Vladimir Antonov

        “When a simple man is ready — the Power gives him/her a Master” [8,26-28] — a phrase that I could subscribe to. I was absolutely sure that it always happens exactly so.
        Only one question was confusing me: I read that “the party of Nagual” did not accept volunteers. On the contrary, the students, who were being pointed out by the Power, were being lured into the School with the help of various kinds of tricks.
        “How should I deal with such a situation?” — I was thinking. — “I am a volunteer and know that I want only this and nothing more in life. I do not have to be dragged either by force or trickery, just give a sign of where to go — and I will fly…”
        But I had not read the Quran up to that moment and therefore did not know that “God is the best of rogues”… And when He gave me — just into the hands — the book of my future Nagual, I was so discouraged that… I almost rejected it.
        It was so:
        Castaneda’s books “opened” me so much that I started to take them each time I was visiting all my friends, as if it was a panacea:
        “Here! Look! That Freedom, to which we all aspire, — really exists!”
        … But according to the reactions of people I understood that they… did not need this Freedom! Someone was reading the book as a fantasy novel, and many others were too lazy even to open it…
        But I was not losing hope.
        One day I was visiting a longstanding friend — Anna. Once we became acquainted with one another at the film studio. Even though we have worked side by side for a short time, our friendly relations had been preserved and we continued to meet each other several times per year.
        Of course, I did not miss the opportunity to offer her the books. Anna — accepted the gift and, moreover, she said that she also had a gift for me and put a small book in front of me called “The Original Teachings of Jesus Christ”. The author was listed as Vladimir Antonov.
        I will not hide that for a while it took me by surprise. I knew that Anna attends church, and decided that it was — some kind of Orthodox literature or fairy tales about “good God” in the style of today’s Protestant churches. But, fortunately, I was “well brought up”, and I knew that it was indecent to refuse reciprocal gifts. So, I picked up the book. “The more so, as it is thin. Somehow I will do it…” — with a sigh, I decided to myself.
        But, moreover, Anna added: “And can you imagine?! The author of this book acted in my last film — in mob scene!”
        Well! Another surprise! The author is also acting in mob scenes!… I immediately recalled what was such acting… The crowd of people came alive in the memory, who boringly wait for a few hours in the studio bus or move with cigarettes through the corridors and for a long time are waiting to be invited for three minutes of filming. Yes, one can write a book due to such boredom…
        I think, Don Juan many times “was formed in half” with laughter that evening watching the progression of my thoughts… So brilliantly to present the book of a Master — it was in His style!
        … I did not put the book into “the back burner”. I read it very quickly. How erroneous and biased was my first view! More than once I mentally apologized to the author...
        After reading it, I realized, for the first time in my life, what is the true Christianity! Not being able to separate the truth, which lies at its core, from distortion and surface layers, which are imposed on it by almost all the modern churches, — all my life I looked at Christianity as if through a dirty glass…
        Next two books of Vladimir Antonov — “How God Can Be Cognized” and “God Speaks” — I was waiting for with impatience. Besides his autobiography, I found in them the most important quotes from all the major religious teachings. It is necessary to read these books to understand how valuable the information they contain for the spiritual seeker is!
        Before this, I was interested, of course, in various esoteric literature: about religion, psychoenergy, healing, magic, astrology… But I was not even trying to differentiate this information, organize it. I even had no idea that it was possible to do it at all. There were as if many pieces of an intricate mosaic in front of me. But since I did not see the whole picture in its entirety, I had no idea what to do with all these fragments of knowledge.
        I accepted these books as another gift from God! The author gathered that mosaic, which I did not expect to gather by myself, — and gave it to everyone! For the first time, I saw how beautiful it was, and, at the same time, — how easy!
        Books have answered all my questions! When I asked mentally any question — I found the answer to them on the next pages. I really liked that those books did not force the reader to the blind acceptance of faith, but rather provoked one’s own reasoning, making one to think about many aspects of life.


The Initial Stage

        It was the first, the initial stage — stage of reading books, learning of theory, acceptance of ethical concepts of the School. After the reading of book “How God Can Be Cognized” and full acceptance of all that is written in it — I immediately began to reconsider my entire “system of values”.
        One of the first major steps was the transition to the killing-free nutrition. What struck me most at that moment — that I have never thought myself about it!
        I remember, as a child, I was read the story of someone from the Russian classics about a sentimental young lady, in front of whom a pig was killed. She was shocked and fainted, but was eating the meat of that pig with an appetite in the evening of the same day. I despised her and was very proud of the fact that I am not such as her. What a slap in the face my ego got when the understanding came that I was no better than she!...
        For all of us give our tacit permission for the killing of animals when we buy meat or fish products...
        Why when we hear about the murder of man we cry out in horror: “How can man encroach on someone’s life?! For life is — holy!” Or, if someone killed a dog or cat, we again are indignant: “Oh, he is a monster, subhuman!”
        Why then do we so easily accept the killings of other animals? I could not understand: “why does it not hurt us?”
        When I was trying to answer myself on this question, I saw that only thought patterns hide the horror of this problem from heart and mind. Most people perceive the world as if being blindfolded. And they are put on since the early childhood, when parents give a child the first view of the world by saying: “Oak is — a tree, grass is — green, meat and fish are — food”. And this initial information becomes an axiom requiring no proof. This information turns into a solid foundation on which a person builds his or her further relationships with the environment.
        When I realized what a crime against animals I had been committing during my whole life — I was shocked to tears! I was not a heartless person! How could I allow animals to suffer because of my tastes?!
        I was repenting for a very long time and my throat was being compressed from crying…
        In the future, I met a total absence of understanding and the rejection of this ethical concept among people when I tried to explain to them why I refused to eat the flesh of animals. I heard a lot of absurdity! For example: “The animals eat meat! And what distinguishes animals from people? Nothing! We all are mammals”. It turned out that not all people even understand the meaning of the word “mammals”*.
        ... One of my friends liked to repeat that the most important thing for her in life was love. But when I offered her to switch to a cruelty-free diet, she said:
        “Ah, yes... I feel sorry for the animals. But it is so convenient — to eat a cervelat at breakfast**!”
        And others just started yelling angrily:
        “Why do you not eat meat? It's sectarianism!”
        They were mostly perturbed by my rejection to eat meat on the basis of ethical grounds! If I had referred to doctor’s orders or just due to a whim, they would not say anything against this.
        It was a mystery for me why the anti-spiritual motto of “We have to love ourselves!” was met with "hurrah!” among most people, while actions, which are based on love for others, were causing a “righteous anger” or... terrible suspicions...
        For a while, I was trying to maintain relationships with some of those people: for we were relatives... But I soon realized that the true relatives are not the people who have common biological ancestry or who form family clans due to other aims. Such people possess just kindred bodies. But real relatives are — soul mates: people who have the same aspirations in life and are directed by common spiritual principles!
        By the way, it is a very rare case when soul mates live together under the roof of one house. I was extremely lucky: my daughter and my father accepted the basic ethical principles described in the books of Vladimir Antonov! And I perceive this as another invaluable gift of God!
        … So I was learning to live a new life: I was learning to live in a state of love and trying to perform those initial exercises, which were described in the book “How God Can Be Cognized”.


*   Those who nurse their children with milk.
**   Cervelat was the name of the most expensive kind of sausage.


Meeting

         I was in a state of gratitude to the author of the books, but I had no idea even that I could meet him… Fortunately, Anna took the initiative.
         Once I visited her home and we were sitting quietly in the kitchen, drinking tea…
         And suddenly she said that Antonov called her that day and invited both of us to visit him. And the meeting was scheduled to be… on the next day!
         I was choked… When I had seen how fast my dream “was turning into flesh” — I was scared! On the one hand — it was the fulfillment of my dreams, it was what I most of all wanted, and on the other hand — what I was most afraid of. Because every time, when I stood before a new, unfamiliar to me door, it was easier for me to “hang at the threshold” rather than to step forward and enter inside.
         Only the absolute understanding that I will not have another chance, which could help me to cross that threshold, forced me to make a step! I knew for sure that “the Bird of Freedom” would not arrive a second time…
          … So the meeting was set. Anna and I were “trembling like two aspen leaves” but had nowhere to back off.
         … Most of all, I was surprised by how he met us. He hugged and kissed us very gently — as if he had known us and waited for us a long time… He immediately asked us to use informal appeals in conversation. I remember my first impression of him: blue eyes, a fluffy white beard framing a young and tanned face. Honesty, prior to this meeting, I was imagining him to be “a contemporary of the previous century”…
         We were sitting in the room. Rice has been cooked already. Pickled mushrooms and mayonnaise appeared on the table... I liked the fact that there was no bustle and haste in all his actions. He was in the space of peace and love of the heart, which he created himself. All the actions were so smooth and natural that it seemed everything was happening by itself.
         Vladimir told us about his first meeting with Anna. I think, she did not know what a funny way it was he appeared in her wardrobe a year ago. It turned out that some woman was strangely looking at him near the kiosk, where he was selling his books… She was circling around him and was looking straight into the face…
         “I look and do not understand what she wants from me. Maybe a former student? Or — a crazy one?” — he said laughing. — “But then she finally had introduced herself as a casting assistant. She said that she was looking for a person with a face and beard exactly as I had! She was begging me to cameo in the film as a bit part actor. Well, I see that it is so necessary for her and so I could not refuse. I agreed. Together we came into the dressing room and there I saw Anna among many people… When she was arranging the costume of some actors — the light was flowing from her hands… I immediately understood why God brought me here. It is so rare to meet someone with an already developed spiritual heart!”
         … We talked a lot, Vladimir was asking us some questions and we were lisping something in return. I remember that it was very difficult for me to relax that evening and I also remember the words of Vladimir in farewell:
         “You should smile more!”
         Vladimir advised us to read a number of books about Sathya Sai Baba and Babaji for the beginning, to perform the exercises that were described in his books. In short, we were released for the self-study for some time.
         … After that meeting, I realized that I could not live in the anahata, or smile, or hug people. All this I had to learn, and I began to practice this every day. I do not know what and how I managed to do then, but, in the first place, it was a struggle against myself.


We Were Released for Independent Work

         It was a very cold winter, so cold that I was freezing even in my flat and managed to warm my body for a while only under a hot shower. In spite of this cold and in spite of the darkness outside the window, Anna and I overcame ourselves every morning, got up and started the day with spiritual exercises: Awakening, Giving Away, Cross of Buddha[13].
         What a happiness it was when we managed to do some of the exercises well! Before this I had perceived the world around me from my head chakras as most people do, but now, when I managed to enter my anahata, I felt peace and calm both inside myself and around me! It was so new to me and so beautiful! I wanted to share this happiness with everyone…
         A bus stop also became my working site where I practiced. That bus usually took me to my work and passed once every 40 minutes. And this was when God started showing me some small miracles: every time when I came to the bus stop and entered my anahata — the bus came in. It was one week already when it did not come late or leave the bus stop earlier or broke down!
         One morning I, as always, entered my anahata and after a minute saw the bus coming slowly to the bus stop… All people, who were waiting for it, took a cheerful and confident step forward, but at this time I thought: “Well, it’s just my fantasy! There are no miracles! The bus just runs on a schedule. That’s it!” At that moment the bus dramatically accelerated and passed by… The stunned passengers could not even swear. They just silently watched it driving off…
         I definitely knew then that I would be late for work and have to freeze for another forty minutes at the bus stop… However, I was flooded with laughter and joy, for I recognized the Hand and “handwriting” of my Beloved!
         … One of my regular meditations was Sathya Sai Baba’s meditation with a candle (it is described in the book of Vladimir Antonov “Sathya Sai Baba — the Christ of Our Days”). During this meditation, I felt a warm and gentle flame of a candle in my anahata, then this flame began to expand, embracing more and more space, and spread out as the waves of love and light further and further… I was recalling people I knew and I tried to fill them with this light. I felt the states of unity, love, peace, harmony…


First Classes

        The scheduled classes began in spring. It was the course on the opening of the anahata. It included psycho-physical exercises, pranayamas, latihan, and different methods of cleaning and refining the anahata.
        I felt changes in myself after each class: my perception of the world was changing, and I was changing too. By the second class, I learned to smile sincerely. It became possible because I mastered the ability of submerging myself into my anahata, and this was enough to be able to maintain an inner smile, which could be easily turned into an outer smile.
        I remember how once, at one of the classes, someone brought seaweed in order to show it to Vladimir. This seaweed supposedly had unique healing properties and excellent energy. After looking at it, Vladimir only winced. Then he looked at me and said:
        “How greatly you have changed! The first time I saw you — you were as ‘inedible’ as this seaweed!”
        Oh-oh-oh! It was the most awesome compliment I had ever received! I was better than that seaweed! With the background of laughter of the entire group, he hugged and kissed me. I was in “the seventh heaven” of happiness!
        It was planned that soon we would go to the forest to a place of power. Vladimir reminded us that synthetic clothes “screens” energy and that for this reason one cannot adequately feel the energy of the surrounding space while being dressed in such clothes.
        “You should be warmly dressed! Put on sweaters, vatniks*, and rubber boots” — he said it as if these were the most ordinary things.
        They were ordinary but not for me. I was listening to all this, and my jaw was dropping with each word. A vatnik… a backpack… rubber boots…? For me, the one who just yesterday was inedible seaweed, these things were “from another planet”. Even jeans could not be found in my wardrobe of “a fine lady”. But I would have to go to the forest… tomorrow!
        “I don’t have a vatnik…” — I whispered while barely moving my lips.
        Vladimir, without batting an eyelid, pulled an old and patched vatnik out of his closet and handed it to me with the words: “I can lend you one”. I bought rubber boots fifteen minutes before the store closed, and Anna promised to bring me a backpack and a pair of trousers.


*   It is a Russian kind of warm cotton wool-padded jacket.


First Trip to a Place of Power

        Our first trip to a place of power took place on the 8th of March. I cannot say that this holiday ever meant something to me; nevertheless, it was significant. Ironically, exactly on that day the shaking of my prominent women’s “human form” happened. This event as if drew a line that separated my old life from the new one.
        I was brought up in “the best traditions” of our society. Having the diploma of a fashion designer, I could not even leave my flat if the length of my coat was not in tune with my heel height, if the shade of my gloves did not match with the shade of my scarf, if my lips were without lipstick or my face without powder…
        So, on Sunday at 7 a.m., I left my flat wearing a vatnik!…, tarpaulin pants! (I unsuccessfully tried to smooth them with an iron all morning)…, rubber boots!…, and a worn backpack over my shoulders! I crept under the windows of my flat trying to be unnoticed by my neighbors…
        I had a feeling that I was wearing… a masquerade costume!
        On my way to the bus, I had only one thought: “not to meet any of my acquaintances!” However, I should not have been so worried, because even if they had met me, they would just not have recognized me.
        As soon as I came to the bus stop and joined the entire group there — everything fell into place immediately, because they all were dressed in the same way as I was… I attuned to them and “fell” into my anahata, and all my problems vanished by themselves…
        … I will never forget this first trip! It was to a favorite place of the Divine Teacher Assyris.
        We have never seen His Face, because He always appeared before us as a huge ball of Light, as a Divine Anahata. Assyris told us through Vladimir that He was known and revered by ancient Assyrians and had Schools on the territory of the ancient, pre-Christian Russia for a long time.
        I was amazed by the fact that this place of power was not somewhere in the impenetrable depths of a forest but in the middle of a fairly wide forest road. Sometimes people walked along such a road, but all of them, like me before, were focused on their own thoughts, endlessly and tensely pondering over something, recalling their past or dreaming about their future… However, God lives “here and now” and to feel Him, we just need to “float” above the surface of the Earth as the pure and free consciousnesses.
        Of course, I did not gain clairvoyance or hear any Revelation that day. I just huffed and puffed and tried to do my best to somehow feel the borders of the place of power and feel and see Assyris at least “out of the corner of my eye”.
        … After our work at that place of power, we had lunch near a campfire and then slowly walked along the road towards a bus stop.
        I was walking and could not understand, what was happening to me. Never before I could imagine that a usual walk in a forest could bring so much happiness! I was looking around without recognizing my once familiar world! Everything was… different: the forest was completely different, the Sun was different, the Earth was different, loving, living, beautiful… Everything was new and unfamiliar, wrapped in an extraordinary attractiveness! I did not know before this — that we could just walk over the Earth without rushing or running, but rather walk, walk “along the paths of our love”.
        I found out that day what is the inner joy — joy that has no other reason to appear than out of its own love, love for everything and everyone! My heart was overfilled with happiness because of my love for everything and everyone: for all these people who took me with them, for this snow sparkling in the rays of the Sun, for this forest sounding with the joy of spring birds…
        The emotions that flooded me in the forest did not disappear at home. I had come there, talked with family members, had supper, and put my child to sleep, but all this time I felt that I — the real — was continuing to float in the same space of joy and love… Being so happy, I fell asleep.


 Sattva

        We had a great number of such trips to new places of power, where we mastered new meditations and had unforgettable meetings with Divine Teachers.
        I do not want to describe all of our trips in detail. Instead, let me share with you only the brightest impressions of that time. I understood then that I had found “a lost paradise”! It was as if I had come back to my native world, where one can only be natural and sincere, where every external “husk” looks like a caricature! I felt such a sense of relief when I cast off my “iron armor” that I had been wearing for so many years! It was like a second birth...
        ... As I recall now that time of my life, I perceive myself as... a newborn baby who squints its eyes out of happiness. God as if took me on His Palms and started carrying me and showing me a new unfamiliar world that was totally different from the one against which I was used to defending myself.
        It was the stage of awakening, of opening myself towards Love, and of accepting the beautiful and pure things that I had not been noticing before.
        Even so, it was just the very beginning of the Path, when God, merely for the fact that we have turned our faces towards Him, noticed Him, stretched our arms to Him, — showered waterfalls of golden rain on us and flooded us with blissful delight, much like how a loving mother showered her baby with endless kisses for its first smile, for its every unsteady step, for each word that her baby tries to babble.
        It was the time of super-sattva, which overflowed me completely! Sattva is a beautiful stage in the evolution of every person, and from this stage the Way to God begins. Only by strengthening ourselves in sattva, we can move further.
        ... Sattva! It is a marvelous and unique platform for the next steps on the Path towards direct cognition of the Creator. However, it can also turn into a trap. It gives extraordinary happiness but at the same time creates a dangerous complacency. You start living in it very joyfully, happily, and comfortably, especially if you are not alone but are with other people like you. It is as if a piece of paradise has fallen on the Earth covering everything with a pink and fragrant bedspread! And it seems that here is — eternal happiness and bliss!
        Nevertheless, God looks to us for a much bigger achievement, and, as we grow, we need to stop being “wonderful children” and turn into the One, on Whose Palms we luxuriated.
        So, God reminded me quite soon that if my intention is to traverse this Path till the end, I have no right to “get stuck” in sattva and that I should only use it as a “launch pad” for the next stage of the Path. In order to make me comprehend this, God had to cause me pain and made me pass through despair. Nevertheless, I was very grateful to Him for these lessons, probably even more grateful than for the waterfalls of bliss that fell on me in the beginning...
        ... Being carried by sattva, I stopped working, using all my strength. I began to feel like a child on an everlasting festive occasion: only the shining spring forest, the songs of birds, joy, happiness, laughter, and so on was all around me.
        Vladimir repeated many times that if we feel satisfaction with ourselves, the state of complacency, — it means that we stopped in our development. He reminded us many times that sattva is beautiful but we should not be carried away by it! It should just be a background for our work! In spite of this, it seemed that I was not hearing these warnings, and even if I heard them, I did not apply them to myself...
        Suddenly I started feeling a loss of strength and could barely accomplish new meditations...
        I complained about this to Vladimir and his response was:
        “Yes, this is true. You need to stop for a while. What I am telling you now, is not some kind of reproach, but just the fact that you are not able to internalize any more knowledge. Your ‘pan’, figuratively speaking, is full, and until you ‘digest’ what you received, you cannot walk further. Well, you can go with us to the forest a couple of times more in order to consolidate what you have already studied, but this is all. If we give new knowledge to you right now, you can simply fall ill.”
        He said all this in a very soft and tender manner, but for me his every word sounded like a peal of thunder, like a sentence.
        With all my might, I was trying to stay calm. That evening dragged on endlessly, while the only thing that I most longed for then — was to stay one-to-one with my grief. It was as if some string had broken inside me. I had only one thought that gnawed at me: “That’s all... It’s all over!”
        I also understood that the fact of being excluded from meditative work meant for me that I would stay utterly alone and that I would never see any one of the group again.
        I managed to soberly think over my situation only the next morning, and, curiously enough, I did not start crying but decided not only to accept my destiny but to accept it as a challenge, as Don Juan taught. Then I realized that nothing really had changed, because no matter what would happen to me on the material plane, this would not change the most important thing, namely, that I found the Goal, found the meaning of my life! I chose the Path that leads to God, and whether or not I would be alone, I would walk this Path!
        I also comprehended at this moment that God is the only support on this Path. It came to me that I should hold on to Him, not to incarnate people! I should hold on to Him with “both hands”!
        At the very same time I realized this, God manifested Himself to me. I had never felt Him before, being so Living and Real! He was so tender! He answered all my questions, smiled, and was not serious at all. Moreover, the meditations that I could hardly do yesterday were now easy and natural to do!
        ... After two days, we had a new trip to the forest. I felt a phenomenal burst of new strength, because I was with God, and God was with me! Throughout that day, Sathya Sai Baba often came and showed me, how it was possible to enter the Brahmanic Fire layers. That day was grey and gloomy, but I saw His Fiery White Light. David Copperfield would also come and, after allowing me to merge with Him, carried me through a “shaft”, similar to an elevator, to the worlds of protoprakriti and protopurusha... I felt that I was submerging into a tender and thick Calm and saw stars that were twinkling and softly swaying... Anytime I opened my material eyes, I saw Vladimir passing by and casting a glance at me...
        At the end of the day, he said:
        “I don’t know what you did with yourself, but today everything you do goes great! You and Anna should start preparing yourselves because after a couple of days we will start a new stage of work!”
        Anna and I jumped with joy!
        ... It turned out again that Don Juan was right saying that the best in us becomes apparent when we are “driven into a corner”. It is when it seems to you that everything is lost and you do not have anything to catch hold of — but suddenly “the second breath” appears, and all of you feels the Power that appears “from nowhere”, and this Power is God.

 

Constantly Feel God!

         God speaks with every one of us constantly. To realize this, it is not necessary to have clairvoyance or a special ability to hear God. The Creator can easily explain something to us by using images of the material world; the only thing that is needed is our willingness to perceive...
         I remember how my daughter and I were caught in a heavy summer shower. A huge storm cloud, which darkened all visible space from our view, was above our heads; peals of thunder and flashes of lightning were all around...
         We were walking home under a single raincoat. My daughter, pressing to me, was mincing along with her legs being in water up to ankles and suddenly started singing happily: “I love Baba*! I love Baba!” Immediately the black cloud parted, as if some giant arms had moved it apart, and in the midst of the stormy sky and unceasing downpour of water — we saw the dazzling ball of the Sun, the rays of which shone on the Earth, piercing the wall of rain!
         When someone in his or her affliction bewails saying: “O Lord, where are You? Why did You abandon me?” — we need to comprehend that it was not God Who abandoned us, but we are who abandoned Him by hiding into our shells, by becoming isolated in our ignorance.
         God is present always and in everything. He can never abandon us, in the same way as the Sun cannot leave the dome of the sky during the day. Even if the Sun is shrouded by a mantle of rain, this does not mean that it is not here. It shines as brightly and dazzlingly as always above the clouds.
         After this event, God showed me such an image: the Sun with countless rays and each ray is like a straight road. We only need to put ourselves on such a road, turn our faces towards the Creator of Light, and rush to His Arms with all our possible strength and passion!
         It seems that this road is so easy and simple! But why do only few follow it?
         To explain this, God showed me a great number of people who are standing with their backs to this Light and do not see anything in front of them, except for their own long and dark shadows... Others are so retreated into their shells of separateness, having battened down all the doors and windows of their hearts, that not even a single ray of Light can pass through. Still others are just warming themselves and delighting under the rays of the Star, and they feel so good that they do not want anything else...


*   Sathya Sai Baba.


Test from Huang Di

“When you come, you should come
being ready to die.”
Juan Matus [27]

        Juan Matus once explained to Carlos Castaneda that “Learning never gives what one expected… One’s purpose turns out at the other side of a battlefield. And thus one has tumbled upon the first of one’s natural enemies: fear… And if one, terrified in its presence, runs away, this enemy will put an end to one’s quest…” [6,27].
        ... We began working on a new stage of our development. We made constant trips to a forest — to new places of power. Every day we had new meditations, new feelings, and new unforgettable meetings with Divine Teachers, Whom we were learning to feel, to see, and to hear. It turned out that there were so many! And every one of Them added His or Her own inimitable tinge of Love to our existence, gave us His or Her favorite meditations...
        When we started working with the “trans-mirror” layers of the Absolute, Vladimir let us meet Divine Huang Di. This Holy Spirit rose into our anahatas from the universal depths and introduced His Face into them... Then we, as consciousnesses, jumped into His Universal Anahata, and the material world disappeared for us. Thus we plunged into the world of protoprakriti and then — deeper and deeper into the Fathomlessness of the Creator’s Love...
        One day we went to the forest in order to stay overnight there and be able to listen to the spring songs of black grouses at dawn in this way.
        I was expecting nothing but rest and relaxation from that trip.
        However, God had completely different plans...
        We walked for a long time along a country road. A high night sky shone with stars, the silhouettes of trees were discernible on the sides of the road, the hum from spring songs of frogs was all around...
        As I began to meditate, a wide wave of Divine Tenderness and Calm rolled onto me. It was Huang Di Who came.
        I expected that He, as always, will open His Universal Arms, flood me with Love, and give me a new meditation...
        But He announced that this time He came with another purpose: He came to seriously speak with me...
        “I offer a new stage of work, a stage that will entail the departure from the earthly plane. If you feel that you are not ready for such a sudden turnaround of events, — run away right now while it is good!...”
        ... Indeed, I was not ready for such a turn... I felt this so keenly that I was not able to think about anything else but about the forthcoming death of my body. One thing is to learn not to identify yourself with the body during the meditation: “Let’s imagine that the body has died... I do not have it anymore... The body was nothing but a capsule, while I am a huge spiritual heart, a consciousness free from matter, existing independently of the body... Now I can live without it easily...”. I was able to do this in meditation as many times as one wants, but here it seems the reality!...
        Even though Huang Di did not say anything about terms, I believed 100% that the death of my body would occur, if not this night — tomorrow for sure, and it would not be a meditative death but a real one!
        Over and above, Huang Di was “adding oil to the fire” by reviving in my memory the stories of Vladimir according to which in the past it was impossible to drive along the country roads during official holidays, because fights, including knife-fights, were everywhere and drunken locals were lying in the middle of the roads... This added keenness to my feelings...
        Suddenly I realized that today was the first of May! An official holiday!...
        I was moving along the night road and was not expecting the dematerialization of my body anymore but a much more primitive death. With my mental sight, I was already seeing a drunk local who would jump out of the bushes and cut my throat...
        I could not meditate anymore, I could not grasp even for a moment the bliss in which, seemingly, I had already learned to live constantly. Just in case, I tried to stay closer to Vladimir...
        It seemed that my thoughts were tearing me apart. A heap of them fell on me! “I did not have time to do this and that!” Tears were streaming by my cheeks...
        I was realizing that no matter how bad I feel, I could not run away, because I could not live my former life anymore — a life without God! However, when I pictured to myself the death of my body, I had spasms — for I still did not want to die! I need to learn so many things, I just started the Path! I have a daughter whom I want to bring up, paintings that I want to do, the dream of working again in the cinema...
        I was writhing in pain until I understood that I was trying to walk two paths simultaneously: the path of an ordinary person and the path of a spiritual warrior. And if I had been able to do this before, now I reached the “mark” behind which these roads diverge completely and forever! I would not be able to walk them at the same time anymore. I had to choose one of them once and for all!
        I chose it.
        ... Did God disincarnate me then? Of course, no! This was just a strength test. He tested if I had enough strength of aspiration and courage so as not to turn off halfway.
        It was important to test this, because He can offer the subsequent Path to the depths of Him only to the person whose devotion to Him is absolutely sure.
        Afterwards, Huang Di resumed that night for me:
        “You made the right choice. However, to close the door to the world of illusions — this is just the beginning of the Path. Another thing you need to do is to open the gates to the World of the Creator, and not only to open them and enter — but to settle There.
        “Remember that your goal is not to get into the nagual*, or to become a magician, or to be free from matter. Your Goal is to attain the real Freedom — Freedom with the capital letter. Beyond the borders of the material world, one can find a great number of paths but only one Path leads to the Freedom: it is the Path of the heart! It is so because only love can illuminate the Path!”
        ... What happened next? Months and years of persistent spiritual work followed, but from this point that time stopped which was measured for me by the events of worldly life, and it began to be measured only by the new stages of spiritual ascension.

*   An aggregate of non-material layers.


Love for Nature

        The beauty of the Earth... It would be wrong to say that I had not noticed it before. I noticed it and admired it! I admired a reflection of the sun in spring puddles. I delighted in the transparent blue of the sky and in a golden carpet of leaves rustling under my feet during the autumn. My eyes always noted something amazing and beautiful and tried to imprint it.
        However, I was not able to dissolve in this beauty when I was attuning to it. I observed it from aside, from my ajna chakra only, from my head. When we look from the head, we can see beauty and we can even enjoy it by sight, but we still remain separated from it, while mergence with it is what constitutes spiritual value.
        Before I started my discipleship, I thought that a good artistic taste was proper to me. I appreciated esthetics and, seemingly, knew a lot about it.
        Nevertheless, I had to think more seriously on this topic after one of our trips.
        ... We stayed on the bank of a forest river. It was the beginning of spring, and everything was bathed in sunlight.
        Suddenly I saw a beautiful red tulip floating in the river and slightly rocking in its current. Immediately my past estheticism rose in me, and I started involuntarily admiring this picture: a red flower is floating in a transparent river between two banks covered with dazzling snow. However, a comment of Vladimir took me out of the contemplation of this “beautiful” picture:
        “Look, a beautiful corpse is floating”…
        ... Afterwards, I had another more serious lesson.
        Whenever we were in the forest, Vladimir acquainted us with birds, specifically, the names of each different kind of bird and how each of them sings in spring. At that time, it seemed to me that this aspect of our work was undoubtedly interesting but not very important. I also was sure that I would never be able to distinguish a finch from a robin or a thrush anyway.
         So, when the chatter of birds was all around us in spring, Vladimir could suddenly ask:
         “Well, what bird is singing now?”
        Of course, no one remembered. We just shrugged our shoulders and tried to guess.
        That is why I was waiting for the next spring with a certain shudder, thinking: “Oh no, soon birds will come again and start singing all together!...”
        Indeed, they came soon and started singing.
        At the beginning, Vladimir laughed at our ignorance, put “bad grades in our karmas”, and exclaimed:
        “What kind of God will you be if you cannot even memorize birds? God, contrary to you, knows each one of His creatures!”
        However, I still could not understand why it was so important.
        So, one day, when I again called a redwing a robin, Vladimir told me:
        “I do not know whether or not I will be able to communicate with you any further... All these birds are my friends! All those years that I have walked along these forest trails, they were with me! I indeed do not know how to communicate with you if you do not love and accept my friends!...”
        It was a new “squall” that fell on me! I cried and still could not understand what my fault was. I love all birds! What can I do if I cannot learn their voices?!
        I was really worried then and promised myself that I would start having a more serious attitude towards this issue. So I began to “prick up my ears” with all my strength in the forest and listen to the tape recordings of bird songs at home...
        I do not remember how much time had passed since then, but one day, while walking along a forest trail, I heard a blackbird quietly sing somewhere in the distance. Words cannot describe what joy filled me from that song! For the first time in my life, I myself had heard and recognized its voice, and it did not belong to some abstract bird but to a blackbird indeed! Then I heard and recognized a finch song without hesitation. And somewhere nearby a titmouse started “titmousing” happily. The spring was blossoming, and more and more birds were all around. I then finally realized how important it is to love all my friends and to know them by their names! The bird’s twitter stopped being a mere pleasant background for our work. Birds really “revived” and became dear and kind friends when I had learned to recognize them.
        In this way, step by step, I understood what real love for nature is. It can originate only from the heart. When we transform ourselves into spiritual hearts, our arms of the souls seek to embrace and caress everything living! We, in this case, turn into love pouring out on everything, seeking to wrap everything with it and to merge with the purity and subtlety of surrounding harmony! Only then you do understand that everything around is living! Each bird, each blade of grass, each flower, and a little tree are all living souls that respond to your love!
        It is only by knowing and loving in this way and in no other way, we can move further.
        It is impossible to flow into God, to unite our hearts with Him if we have not learned to love all His children and all His Creation!
        “Only having learned to love the Creation, we can learn to love the Creator” is what Vladimir taught to us.

* * *
        I would also like to say few words about the nature of love.
        What is love? In my childhood and youth, I was surrounded by many people who said that they loved me.
        I noticed that the love of some of them gave joy: for example, one of my grandmothers was nothing but love and tender care for all of us.
        The “love” of others, on the other hand, was oppressing, suffocating, and put forth constant demands...
        I had, of course, my own opinion on this subject, but Vladimir was the one who amazed me once by how succinct and accurate his wording was about this:
        “A vast majority of people understand love as their own wanting. To love — for them — means to want something or someone. This has even become a part of what is called “classical literature” and, consequently, it was this form of ‘love’ that has been taught to children in schools!
        “But this is absurd! Love for oneself is anti-love!
        “The vector of true love can be directed only from oneself out, never towards oneself!
        “Love is self-giving, self-sacrificing, and not demanding something from others for yourself!
        “... Nevertheless, it is with such consumeristic anti-love that many people try to ‘love’ not only each other but also living nature and its specific representatives...”


About Meditative Work

        What is meditation? Many people believe that to meditate means to sit in complete silence with the crossed legs and with the eyes squinted at the nasal bridge...
        Long before my meeting with Vladimir, I had tried to “meditate” in no other way but this. Thus I was sitting for a long time and thinking: “What is next? Should I just sit and wait? But how long should I wait and what should I wait for?”...
        While reading Castaneda’s books, I wanted very much to repeat everything that he related, but I did not know how to master “the second attention”  that he described. Castaneda did not explain anything about it, and everywhere in his books everything happened in the same way: Don Juan hit him on his back, and something amazing began… But what should I do? Who will hit me?
        Of course, I tried many times to stop my internal dialogue, but nothing good came out of this as well. I did not succeed because I tried to stop the flow of my thoughts while staying in my head. It was so frustrating! The pinnacle of my achievements at that time consisted in the fact that the heap of thoughts turned into one endlessly repeating thought: “Do not think about anything!”, “Do not think about anything!”, “Do not think about anything!”...
        It was until I started learning from Vladimir. He explained the mechanism of mastering the “mental pause”:
        “One just needs to exit the upper bubble of perception and move to the lower one. In this case, one’s internal dialogue disappears by itself. ‘In one’s head’, one can only fantasize. Nothing happens in reality. It is only in the lower bubble, it is possible to achieve inner silence, the ability to move the consciousness inside the multidimensional space, and the ability to see what is really important on the Path to the Creator and the Creator Himself.”
        ... I remember how on one occasion, at the beginning of our discipleship, Vladimir acquainted us with a very interesting place of power. It was on a bridge over a small river. It was necessary just to cross the boundary of this place of power, and suddenly a practitioner, as a consciousness, fell through the bridge without efforts.
        Vladimir explained:
        “Everything is very simple! You do not need to ‘tear’ yourself out of your body. You just need to perceive yourself lying on your back at the bottom of this river. The shift happens instantly, because the consciousness moves with the speed of thought.
        So I started gazing into the cool streaming water. The river was shallow, and I could see the sand on its bottom and some algae slightly swaying in the current. After that, I, as a consciousness, moved into my lower bubble, and then... I realized that I was lying on the bottom of the river, feeling soft sand with my back and clear spring water streaming around me and through me... I felt so good and peaceful, and all my problems and thoughts sped somewhere far away with the stream of the river... Suddenly I heard the voice of Vladimir that came to me as if through the thickness of the water:
        “Be careful that your body does not fall into the river as well! You have already forgotten that it is standing on the very edge of the bridge!”
        ... I was greatly amazed then, because for the first time in my life, I was able to completely flow into the other world and immerse myself into it to such a degree that the material plane ceased to exist for me! And it turned out to be so easy to accomplish!
        ... Vladimir, undoubtedly, always rejoiced at our achievements! However, he did not teach us concrete meditations only. He gave us new tasks and every time explained not only the technique of carrying them out but also the strategy to do so. In other words, we had to understand how each exercise fits in the general outline of the Path and to be aware, including intellectually, of each stage that we have passed.
        For example, while giving us that exercise on the bridge, he explained very understandably why it is so important to learn to move oneself as a consciousness below one’s body:
        “At the first place, we all, in a quite natural way, have been learning before to perceive the world from our head chakras, that is, from the upper part of the body. However, in order to progress on the spiritual Path, we have to move into the middle dantian — the anahata chakra — which is located in the middle of the body. This is not easily, immediately mastered by everyone. That is why the correct decision in this case would be first to master the stable concentration of the consciousness as low as possible, on the other pole in relation to our heads, so to speak. Then it will be easy to master the concentration in the middle as well.
        “Another important thing is that we must reject the stereotype of thinking, which exists in almost all religious movements, that ‘God is above, while hell is below’. Divine Teachers often manifest Themselves in the form of huge Fire Mahadoubles, and people saw Their Faces high in the sky. From this, the idea that God lives above us — has appeared (however, how can this be true if our planet is round?). In reality, everything is quite different: God is everywhere, but one does not need to look for the entrances to the Creator high in the sky. Instead of this, one needs to look for them in the depth of one’s own developed spiritual heart, much deeper than one’s body. It is in this way, we find the Abode of the Creator, the subtlest spatial dimension.”
        ... On another occasion, when we worked in the midst of expanses of meadows, inside the huge Mahadoubles of our Teachers, Vladimir gave us the following instructions:
        “We, as consciousnesses, should flow out of the anahatas backward and immediately try to flood all the space with ourselves, to dissolve ourselves in the space of Light! It is not necessary at all to experience ourselves anthropomorphically, of the size of a material body. The latter is the experience of occultists in their attempts to exit from their material body, being in an astral body. However, this has no further prospects. We have completely different objectives, and we need to try to dissolve ourselves right away in the Light of the Divine Consciousness.”
        ... Later, when we ourselves were learning to be instructors, Vladimir explained to us that it was not enough just to know the techniques and methodology of spiritual advancement but also to understand the psychology of our disciples:
        “While learning to be God, we have to become psychologists, because God is the best Psychologist.”
        ... When we were making our first steps in teaching others, it seemed to us that the most important thing was to find the boundaries of a place of power, to deeply feel a meditation, and then to properly explain all this to the disciples. But Vladimir laughed:
        “You look like soloists in the theater: you go on stage to sing your aria. It is not right! It should be done in another way! It is important to have feedback with your disciples! You have to see whether each of them is succeeding in this or that meditation, or not! If they are not succeeding, you need to find the cause of this failure and help them remove it.”
        Vladimir has always been an example for us on how to lead people. No matter how many times we went to the same place of power, he never repeated himself. He contrived to present a meditation to a person in those words and terms which were understandable for that person. For everyone he placed an emphasis on the most important aspect at that particular moment.
        ... How can one estimate progress and prospects of one or another disciple? It turned out that it should be done not only according to his or her meditative abilities. Vladimir taught us that the main criterion of assessment is the motive that drives this particular person. Does this person just like the company to which he or she has joined? Does this person only get pleasure from meditation states or look for the healing of the body or want to “pump up” the personal power? If a person is driven by any of these motives, it means that he or she must not be led any further!
        Only the person, who aspires to cognize the Creator and who is driven by the love for Him, has the right to approach Him as close as the methods that we have allow! God opens His Arms only to the person who has chosen the Mergence with the Creator as the Goal of all his or her earthly life!
        ... Sometimes in the past, people, who were already sufficiently “crystallized” consciousnesses, joined us. This condition helped them to easily perform complex meditations, but they did not always achieve success. If they did not have the most important thing, i.e., the love for the Creator, God put an end to their further progress very soon.
        “Only love decides everything! A person must not be attracted by pleasant communication with us or with meditative experiences that he or she receives. Instead, one must clearly see the Goal and seek the Mergence with the Creator!” — Vladimir explained.
        Indeed, how can one accomplish such meditations as Cross of Buddha, Giving Away, or Awakening — without love? It is impossible! Whether we feel ourselves as the River of the Holy Spirit (Pranava) or penetrate into new unknown layers of the multidimensional space, filled with the Living Light of the Divine Consciousness, with Its Tenderness, — we can stay There only being love!
        One day Sathya Sai Baba told me the following on this topic:
        “When you are tired, you start practicing meditation as a series of memorized actions. But this is very similar to church rituals, which you consider empty and useless. You do those memorized movements and then you wonder why the flow of love does not appear in response. Meditation is not a series of memorized actions! It is not physical education for a consciousness! Meditation is the manifestation of your love for Me! It is giving yourself to Me!”

* * *
        Before the beginning of my work with Vladimir, I had thought that the spiritual Path is like a series of “instant enlightenments”. I was also sure that if you completely exited your body once, submerged into meditation very deeply, or received a Revelation, — these achievements remain with you for the rest of your life.
        However, very soon I had to realize that things were quite different. In the spiritual world, nothing that you mastered once — belongs to you forever. Each new boundary has to be “taken by assault” and then you have to prove every day that you are worthy of the height that you managed to achieve. Each taken stage needs to be made “habitable”, as with a new house. It needs to be transformed into the basis from which you can continue your ascension. There is no possibility of resting for a long time on this Path. There is no time or place for being satisfied with one’s own achievements. As soon as we grow up, the next stage is ready and needs to be mastered. And when this one is taken, God opens another one, whose height makes you feel lightheaded again.


*   The term that was used by Don Juan for clairvoyance [26-28].


About Naguals

        On one occasion, in spring, we were coming back to the city after a day of meditative work. Everything around us was flooded with golden sunlight.
        I recalled Journey to Ixtlan [27] and then Genaro… Immediately His Shining Face filled all the space around us...
        “Genaro, tell us about Don Juan. Who was He for You?”
        “Who was Juan for Me? He was My Friend on the Path and a faithful travelling Companion!
        “Spiritual warriors do not huddle up to each other like blind kittens. Each one lays his or her own path independently, one-to-one with the Power*. However, if you know that the Friend is walking nearby, a Friend who, just like you, is paving his or her own way into the Inconceivable, this gives you additional strength and a certain reckless joy!
        “How happy every one of you should be about the fact that he or she does not walk alone! To meet like-minded people is a great fortune, and to meet a Nagual is a Great Gift of Power!
        “What do Naguals do for those people whose destinies They took over Themselves? A Nagual is always ahead! He or She indicates the Path and helps others to overcome obstacles — by getting to know beforehand about all reefs and shoals.
        “A Nagual first reaches the other side of the world of illusions and pulls others out to there through the ‘Veil’.
        “From the depth of His or Her Knowledge, a Nagual sees the souls who approached the ‘Veil’ and who did this not just because of simple curiosity.
        “Knowing that this Path is not for the weak souls, a Nagual takes full responsibility, leading further only those who will not go mad, who will not fall to death, and who will not lose heart on this Path.
        “A Nagual sees those who have inner potential, and if they choose to follow a Nagual, He or She will give them a unique chance to gain Freedom!”

*   With God.


div style="text-align: center;"> “Root in Me!”

        When you realize how rich and colorful life becomes with God, a very strong desire appears to give the same joy in the lives of people around you. Just as I tried to familiarize all my acquaintances with the books of Carlos Castaneda some time ago, I began to familiarize them with the books of Vladimir by giving them to those people.
        Thus, I gave one of his books to one of my old friends. I expected that quite soon I would receive a phone call from her full of delight, but instead... I only heard her comment expressed in a lazy and slow manner:
        “Well... you know... This is too much…”.
        What exactly turned out to be “too much” for her in this case? It was the truth that the Path to the Perfection requires from us the complete remelting of ourselves, the reconsideration of all our priorities, and the colossal work on self-correction. All this truth turned out to be “too much” and too unbearable for her.
        It is much easier to bake on Easter a cake and then to stand in a long line so that a priest “consecrates” it. It is much easier to play with spiritualism or astrology... This does not require any special effort but creates a pleasant illusion of one’s involvement in the spiritual world...
        However, no rituals or esoteric games can really bring one closer to God! Only all-consuming love for Him does this!
        “Root in Me!” — God told us one day a long time ago.
        Nevertheless, in order to carry out these aspirations, we first have to understand what God wants us to be.
        He wants us to be similar to Him!
        Vladimir repeated many times that the three main qualities of God are Love, Wisdom, and Power. Hence, if we aspire to the Mergence with Him, we have to develop these qualities in ourselves — up to the Divine level, because only when two things are similar one to another, they can merge in one!
        It is possible to describe the essence of the spiritual Path in the following way: the individual “i”, which has been cleansed of vices, brought to the perfect purity and subtlety, and which has developed wisdom, grown itself to the size that is many millions times larger than the size of a human body — this one flows into the “I” of the Creator at the end of the spiritual Path and becomes His integral Part.
        In other words, the lower “i” has to be substituted with the Higher “I” in the course of long and hard work on oneself.
        And we should take into account that this never happens spontaneously, by itself. No, the Kingdom of Heaven is taken by effort, as Jesus taught.*
        ... Our work always included many different aspects, but the priority in it was always set on growing love. Love is the key to everything! It is love that opens the Gate! And then, by gaining wisdom and power, love becomes stronger and capable of achieving the most unimaginable things…
        At the beginning, we master love by taking care of people who are dear to us, we learn to love all kind beings and everything created by God. Then, as we transform ourselves into love, the Creator allows us to approach Himself, because only love can merge with Love.
        God once said to me:
        “Learn to submerge all your indriyas of the consciousness into My Depths. This is how you root in Me!
        “I am Love and I accept only love into Myself!
        “As for people, learn to love them as I love them and hold them on My Palms of Love.
        “In this case, wrong reactions to external events and false attachments will disappear, and in its place true love for everyone and everything will be born!”
        ... Indeed, the practitioners, who are rooting themselves in the Creator, become unattached to material objects and concrete people; external events cease to captivate them. This does not mean that their lives become cold and empty. On the contrary, their love for everyone and everything becomes deeper, filling their lives with happiness of the spiritual creation and with Bliss from the communication and Mergence with the Beloved!
        ... Simultaneously with the development of love, one should develop one’s intellect.
        From the very beginning, when we were still learning the fundamentals of the School by reading books, we already had to make a revision of all aspects of our existence.
        In my former life, like in the lives of a vast majority of people, there were certain rules and principles that I followed. However, I never pondered whether they were true or false. I simply followed them just because they were customary.
        When, on the contrary, I did the serious work on revising all my actions, I realized that only a small percentage of them had an objective importance and were ethically correct. How much freedom and energy came into my life when I threw out this pile of old and unnecessary stuff! And I should mention that it was not some sort of volitional decision. Simply, by becoming more mature, we easily and happily free ourselves from the “toys” that attracted us so much before.
         After this, by submerging ourselves further and further into the Depths of the Absolute, — we learn to look at the events of the material plane from these Depths and evaluate those events by looking at them through the Eyes of God...
        The acquisition of wisdom is a very gradual process. It is so because it is impossible to simply cast away one’s own insufficiently developed intellect and replace it with the Intellect of God! “I help you at your every step, but I am not going to make those steps instead of you,” — God once said to us.
        ... Finally, love has to become not only wise but also strong. It is necessary, because, in order to traverse the entire Path, we need to have sufficient power of the consciousness and a passionate aspiration for the Goal.
        Vladimir gave us numerous methods that contribute to the growth of the consciousness and he showed us a great number of places of power, working on which allowed us to have excellent possibilities of growing ourselves as consciousnesses quantitatively.
        At the same time, he always emphasized that we have to cultivate “power in subtlety”, because the cultivation of coarse personal power does not lead us to the Creator but to the opposite direction.

*   Matthew 11:12; Luke 16:16.


Conclusion

Cry

        Confined in the prison of the body…
        Call for help getting stifled in my chest…
        Unable to flap my strong wings…
        “Oh, my Savior! Set me free!”
       
        He appears and looks at me gently
        Saying: “You are already saved!
        “This is not a prison or a closed cage!
        “Look, there is neither lock nor key!
       
        “You are a free bird, remember that!
        “You fly high — and sublime is your flight!
        “A flap of wings — and you are free
        “Far away from all sorrow and grief!”
       
        My eyes light up with hope from these words:
        I will fly away in a flash!
        … But I am getting stuck, like before…
        Unable to move in the least…
       
        “You must be laughing at me, my Teacher!
        “Help me, please: I can’t bear that pain!
        “How can I reach the Abode of Freedom?”
        “It is closer than the edge of your wing…”
       
        “How can You…?!” — “You are a free bird,
        “But you hold yourself back by your tail…
        “The one who cannot fall in love with Freedom
        “Is unworthy of Freedom today!”
       
        Stunned by His words of truth,
        I understood Him at last:
        Permission to get the Freedom
        Can be given me only by mine…

(November 1997)*
       
        I wrote this “poem of despair” at the very beginning of my participation in the work of Vladimir. And recently — after some years — Vladimir suddenly reminded me about it, saying:
        “Maria, do you remember how God once said to you that you can seek and find Freedom ‘closer than the edge of your wing’? Take note that this became true! The Abode of the Creator completely fills now your body!”
        ... The body of each of us, humans, is like a tiny islet in the Infinite Ocean of the Universal Absolute. However, almost all of us live without noticing the Greatness of this Infinity That surrounds us from all sides. It happens because the material world is too bright and entertaining, and it completely absorbs us, and we dissolve in our jobs, families, amusements, and attachments.
        We live in this way until we reach a certain maturity of the soul — and then the Truth becomes open before us. This Truth is that there is a human being and there is the Creator, the Mergence with Whom is the greatest meaning of the life of every soul.
        From this moment, the spiritual Path of every one of us begins, and we gradually turn our eyes of the soul towards the Creator.
        Then we wash away our vices and make free our “islets” from useless and unnecessary stuff.
        Then we grow ourselves as consciousnesses — that have been cleansed and washed.
        After this process of growth reaches a sufficient degree of completeness, we obtain the possibility to slide off the “islets” and to begin submerging into the Ocean of Divine Love and Infinite Freedom deeper and deeper!
        At the beginning, it seems to us that the Path to Freedom is endless. However, when you finally merge with Freedom, you understand that It has always been with you... And the boundary that separated you from It for your entire life was “no thicker than a sheet of thin paper” [8]. This Freedom was indeed “closer than the edge of your wing”…


*   This poem of mine and our other poems were published in the book [5].


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